Insomnia
by Hopeakaarme
Summary: You never know in the morning how the day will end or when. When there is an accident, Jirou can't sleep properly until everything is resolved. Angst, but a happy ending. Shounen ai AtoKaba, onesided AtoJi or KabaJi if you want to see it.


Disclaimer: I own very little.

A/N: I don't even remember when I've last written a 2nd person PoV. And I know for a fact I've never written a Jirou PoV. Well, there's a first time for everything, right?

Some more NaNoWriMo procrastination.

* * *

Insomnia  


* * *

In retrospect, you think, anime has lied to you all these years. When something is going to turn your life upside down, it doesn't give you any warning. There are no bad omens, no ominous feelings, nothing but an ordinary day, and though it is the calm before a storm you never know until it's too late.

And it is ordinary, isn't it, the sun shining down at you as you walk. Atobe is complaining, of course, why must he walk like a peasant when you all could just as well go by a limo. Shishido calls him lazy before starting to fight with Gakuto, the two apparently both aiming for the title of the most bitchy regular, judging by the way they go at it. Ootori tries to stop them, somewhat desperately, while Oshitari has already given up, merely smiling in somewhat amused frustration. Hiyoshi is quiet, walking behind everyone else together with Taki, and you can't help but wonder whether they'd prefer to be somewhere else, just the two of them.

And you, well, you aren't walking, carried by Kabaji as always. Most likely he knows you aren't asleep but doesn't care, and you never say anything either because it's easier anyway, and besides you might fall asleep again soon. So you go with them, not on your own though, and if any outsider wonders why a huge boy is carrying a smaller one they never say a thing.

You arrive at a crosswalk and Atobe never stops, confident as always that the rest of the world will accommodate him. He's in a hurry, after all, he has no time to look around.

Unfortunately, he is not the only one in a hurry today, something you realize just a tad too late. Your eyes are wide open and you cry out, watch out Atobe, a car, and it's not even a car but a freaking bus instead. You see he hears you and turns around but it's too late. The car is coming fast and even tennis reflexes don't work, not when he is frozen with shock. This is when you realize you, too, are on the way, and oh gods this is it this is where it ends –

And you are thrown, then, towards the side of the road, right into the startled Ohtori who stops your flight but is too stunned to catch you. Everything seems to happen in slow motion and you blame the adrenaline, watching helplessly as Kabaji moves, free of your weight now. Strong hands reach for Atobe, hurry hurry Kabaji, and then there's a crash and you feel sick but you can't look away.

Ohtori still hasn't caught you and you fall, feeling numb as you slide down to the ground. You feel like fainting even before you hit your head, and as your last thought before falling to the darkness you wonder how you are going to get up when Kabaji isn't there to wake you anymore.

* * *

You wake up slowly, as usual, still half dead to the world as your mind still tries to catch up with reality. Then you remember, you realize what happened, and it all comes back to you in a rush and suddenly you are wide awake. Eyes snapping open, you find yourself looking at Ootori, a worried and sad Ootori and oh gods has he been crying?

"Jirou-senpai," he gasps, looking relieved for a moment, "you are awake." Then the anguish returns and you wonder where Shishido is, stupid Shishido, what a bad senpai and something-more he is to leave Ootori alone in such a state.

"Atobe? How is Atobe?" you ask, frantic, and then your throat tightens as you try to ask the next question. Finally, you manage to say, "And… and Kabaji?"

He looks away, and you feel like crying, too. "Atobe… he only got a few scratches from being flung to the ground," he says. "He didn't even hit his head like you. And… Kabaji…" Ootori trails off, unable to go on.

"Congratulations," says a choked voice that's neither of yours, and as you turn to look you see Shishido standing in the doorway of what is apparently your hospital room. He looks like he's cried, too, and although Oshitari next to him isn't teary you can't help but notice how pale the tensai is. "You're officially Singles Two, now."

Oshitari notices your shock and rushes to calm you. "Don't worry, he isn't dead," the tensai assures, and by gods you have never heard sweeter words being uttered. "However, his condition is… bad. Very bad. Bad enough that he won't be playing for quite a while." He looks away, and you swallow. "Atobe is… distressed."

"More like a complete wreck," Shishido sighs. "They won't let him see Kabaji yet and now he's convinced Kabaji's dead and they are just waiting to tell his fucking next of kin first."

You think about it and realize it could be true. The others must see the fear on your face as Ootori immediately reaches for your hand, ever the same trustworthy Ootori, trying to soothe you even though he must be just as afraid. Suddenly you want nothing as much as to get away from here and to Atobe, to Kabaji, to make sure they are both alive and whole. On another thought, you'd settle just for the alive part…

Someone summons a doctor to check on you but you don't even notice, clinging to Ootori's hand as though it were the only thing keeping you alive as the rest of the world comes crashing down all around you.

And, at the moment, it could just as well be.

* * *

Atobe truly looks like a wreck. He seems drawn and tired, although it can't have been very long. As you approach, he hardly even looks up, for once not complaining though his seat hardly looks comfortable. It's like he doesn't even notice the world around him.

"Atobe," you say, and there are a thousand other things you want to say, all fighting on the tip of your tongue to be heard. Things like "I'm sorry" because you are, or "it's going to be okay" because you wish you could believe it yourself, but you say none of them because you know they wouldn't help anyway. Instead, you ask, "May I sleep here?"

He nods, wordless, and you sit in front of him, leaning against his legs, your head resting in his lap. Soon enough you feel a hand petting your hair but you don't mind, knowing you both need it, need the soothing, the closeness. Need to know not everyone is leaving.

Atobe's fingers cording themselves in your hair, you speak. "Atobe? Kabaji's going to be all right, isn't he?" you ask, for you need to know it, need to hear Atobe say it, even if neither of you truly believes a word.

But Atobe fails you, for the first time ever he fails you, and instead of the soothing words you expected he says, "I don't know, Jirou."

You are both silent, then, your eyes closed though you don't sleep, you don't think you could sleep, not now. There is no Kabaji to wake you up, after all, and for once you need to simply stay awake, need to be alert and wait for Kabaji.

The time passes slowly, oh so slowly, and sometimes it seems to stop altogether. Finally, just as you wonder whether Atobe'll just simply buy the hospital and then demand to see Kabaji, Kabaji's parents arrive. They look so worried as you spy them under your half-closed lids, so worried and fearful, and the doctor talks to them in hushed tones and you feel even more scared.

Kabaji's mother starts crying, and you feel tears rolling down your face, too, and feel Atobe's grip in your hair tightening. They go away for a moment, and that's the worst moment in your life, you are sure Kabaji is dead and nothing will be the same again. Finally, though, his father comes over and tells you Kabaji's alive, he's stabilized now, and suddenly the tears are those of relief and happiness and you understand why his mother cried.

Atobe asks if he can see him, and after talking with the doctor Kabaji's father agrees, though only for a little while, as he says. You follow them, automatically assuming you are also included in the invitation, and nobody ever says otherwise. Kabaji's father then leaves you in the room alone, telling you the doctors only allowed for a few minutes.

Kabaji is huge, as you well know, yet he looks surprisingly small as he lies in the hospital bed, surrounded by machines. There are tubes and wires and IVs, and monitors of all kinds and various beeping sounds. You look at Atobe's expression and are almost startled at the emotions you find, fear and vulnerability the like of which you've never seen on his face before. Almost hesitantly he steps forward, taking hold of a hand that lies bare in the middle of everything else.

Atobe holds Kabaji's hand in his, larger and darker and oh so still, and as you look at him you realize you have never seen Atobe this close to crying.

And then he does cry, tears rolling down his face gracefully, as this is Atobe after all and Atobe does everything gracefully. "Don't you dare die on me, Kabaji," he whispers with the tone of one who's never had his requests denied and now faces potential rejection for the first time. "Don't you dare… Munehiro…"

You're not really shocked, are you, you've always known just how close they are, yet it still surprises you that Atobe would give up his façade in front of others even if it's only you. You feel like an outsider, and in a way you are just that.

There is no response, Kabaji is unconscious after all, and for a moment you wonder how Atobe will react. You find out soon as his expression hardens, an elegant hand reaching up to wipe the tears away. Even though he soon regains the usual cool expression, you can't help but notice how gently he sets the hand back on the pristinely white covers.

"Get well soon, Kabaji," you murmur, and Atobe glances sharply at you as though only now remembering you are there, too. He doesn't say anything, though, and neither do you, both staying silent until Kabaji's father finally returns to tell you it's time to leave.

Atobe stands up from where he was sitting, proud and cool and collected as ever, and if you didn't know better you could never tell he's been crying – until you spy his slightly shaking hands, that is.

"Ore-sama will cover all expenses of his stay at the hospital," Atobe says. Kabaji's father starts to protest – it's not like they can't afford it, Heavens forbid, Atobe-kun has absolutely no reason to – but a wave of his hand silences him. You silently wonder whether there's anyone who won't obey Atobe. "No, allow ore-sama to do so. He very likely saved ore-sama's life. It frustrates ore-sama not to be able to do anything for him in return, so ore-sama wants to do at least this."

It must truly frustrate him, the high and mighty Atobe, not to be able to do anything to help his closest friend – or is it just friends, you wonder, recalling the scene you just saw. You never say anything, though, and as Atobe again seats himself, you sit down next to him, offering your hair for petting.

A nurse comes to tell you all to go home, Kabaji-kun won't be awake for several days at least, and really, they can't even let you see him right now. For a moment you think Atobe might disagree, insist on staying at the hospital until then, but that won't do, now will it? "Just play nice, Atobe," you mumble, a sleepy tone in your voice although you can't even imagine sleeping right now. "You do want to look rested and well when Kabaji finally does wake up, don't you?"

This is when Atobe yields, and orders the whole team to go home, and nobody ever considers disobeying him. You are surprised to hear you have to stay for another night, they want to monitor you in case of more serious head injury, but it's okay because you know Atobe'll be there the next day, too.

And he is, too, patiently waiting to get a few minutes with Kabaji, and you follow him, and when he leaves the hospital you follow him again. He must feel lonely, you think, not having Kabaji following him around anymore, and since you can't sleep anyway you can just as well fill in. Thus you follow him, everywhere, during breaks at school and during practice, which isn't really much of a practice when all the regulars, Atobe himself the most, are so unsettled. Atobe never acknowledges it, never makes mention of it, but you know he notices it and you hope it helps a little.

Then Kabaji is awake, though, and his every spare moment is spent at the hospital because visiting hours don't concern Atobe-sama who has just given the hospital such generous funding. You're sometimes there but not always, and you wonder what they talk about during all that time they're together. Whenever you're there, it's Atobe doing the talking, as always, always going "Naa, Kabaji," and receiving the familiar, "Usu," in return.

When Kabaji is back, back to school and back to practice even though he's not allowed to strain himself yet, it's Atobe who carries not only his own but also Kabaji's bag, a lively Atobe with energy unseen before, definitely not ever since the accident. The others marvel and try to guess, but you stay quiet, for even if Atobe has never said anything about it you know you aren't allowed to talk about the tears you witnessed.

Eventually Kabaji carries his own bag, and then Atobe's too, and soon he's also dragging you around as usual, and you can sleep again at times other than the middle of night. He's a little behind on tennis due to his injuries but that doesn't matter, the rest of the team works twice as hard to make up for it, and soon he's back to his own self again and Hyoutei is stronger than ever.

You wonder sometimes, what it would be like if he hadn't recovered, if that car had truly taken him away, but that always gives you nightmares and so you never do, and besides talking about it makes Atobe upset and earns you a ton of laps so you're simply quiet and sleepy and happy to be Singles Three again.


End file.
